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Remember the blog post: Jealousy is a Monster ?

I just dont know what else to do, what else to say. All of a sudden, feel like its better being of alone that being with someone that is just wrong for me.

Sayang? Memang la..But, i cant be constantly fighting for a spot in his life, in his heart. If betul dia syg and all those words are true, should that spot be given to me, without having me to fight for it?

I know, in so many ways, i come back short. Memang byk sgt kelemahan n kesilapan aku ni. Emo xtentu psal, byk ckp, etc. etc. But, dia pun sama. N i accept that. His imperfections are just right. i am ok with them.

"Love someone you trust, if possible. If not, at least, trust the one you love"

I do trust him, i really do. At least for him to the right thing.

Weekend is near!

Ada this one sahabat of mine, used to be room mate back in shah alam. Now, she's in Kelantan. Kekadang aku ni, being human, akan mengeluh, especially bila aku penat or bila aku lapar tp mlas nk mkn or bila aku PMS xtentu masa. (sila sepak lelaju ye)

She keeps reminding me that ujian, seberat mana pun, is a sign of love from Him. Kena bersyukur. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Aku mengeluh bila aku xberjaya nk convince boss aku yg aku tgh buat keje aku ni. Aku mengeluh bila aku berkejar2 cari masa nk buat assignment aku, aku mengeluh bila aku rasa bdn aku naik. seems extremely petty kan?

But, sekarang aku noticed, tu semua buktikan yang aku sgt beruntung. Sekurang2 nya aku bekerja, sekurang2nya aku diberi kesempatan utk belajar n sekurang2nya aku ada rezeki utk mkn..Aku sedang merasa what is like bila aku xberjaya cari kerja, nk study beli buku pn xde duit, nk mkn pn bercatu..Again, hamba Allah ni mengeluh lagi..

Semalam petang, aku dpt bercakap dgn sahabat aku yg sorg ni. Cerita kat dia psal adik aku kawen, pasal life aku sekrang, tnya psal life dia, tesis dia, family dia semua. Aku agak merindui la gak presence dia as my friend and sister (note: aku xde adik pompuan). Sembang psal waffling, psal infinite, psal poster yg dia tinggal..mcm2..last2, dia msg kt aku: Sabar je jess..Ujian pn rezeki..May Allah ease your burden..

There is always light at the end of the tunnel if you believe in it. Kenapa aku ckp mcmtu? Sbb klau korg rasa hidup korg ni akan gelap smpai bila2, it will. Sebab tu yg korg percaya. Aku xpernah serik dgn family, kengkawan or love life aku. I always believe yg aku akn jmpe Mr Right, aku boleh find balance in life, balance in time utk family n kengkawan aku, even bila aku kna struggle..

Aku happy yg aku belajar balik, family aku ok, kengkawan aku still sayangkan aku n aku jumpe someone to spend the rest of my life with. Aku super bersyukur dgn kehadiran korg..This week has been harsh and hard, but thanks to all of you, i have a weekend to look forward to..and aku berjaya ckp kat diri sendiri: Deep breaths jess, all will be fine..The storm will stop and the sun will shine..just sabar..Ujian ni hadiah dr Dia.

Happy coming weekend guys..

Bukan la nak vent out, but just to share

Lama la gak xhapdet blog ni..Bz skit kat opis.

Walaupun xramai yg mengikuti blog ni, i just dont care, nak gak cite! (hihihi)

First:

Saya ni bukan la nk berkira kerja sgt. Kn sama2 keje..xyah la nk kira2 sgt. Ko backup aku, aku backup ko. That was what i did in my previous jobs. N it works. kitorg keje happy2 je. Misunderstandings is so biasa. Manusia ni, rmbut sama la gak kalernye, but hati, very different, you see.
Aku xde la kisah sgt buat kerja sementara yg lain tgh bz buat authority work. Ye, aku kerani je kat sini. Jadi, mmg tugas aku utk provide support. Tp, please ah..jgn la buat aku cm kuli and jgn treat aku cm org yg buta tuli. While aku mmg duk kt department korg, aku still kna report misconduct to HR (xbest kna jd whistle blower ni). Korg pn bkn la xkn sold me the moment u guys have the chance kn..Like u guys already did..Tapi xpela..aku sebenarnya enjoy je buat keje aku even kna maki hamun dgn public (chill pill have been taken on a daily dosage as per directed: RUNNING)

Second:

Ni psal someone i used to know. This also serves a personal reminder. HUTANG. betul..aku tau aku ada hutang dgn kawan2, family aku semua. N aku vow utk setel semua hutang,termasuk la yg kt tmpat2 lain tu by tgh thn next year. Starting the closest one to me: my sisters and friend. They deserve their money back. And aku seyesly mintak maaf pada semua yg aku offend psal hutang and duit ni. Kalau psl mkn minum, klau korg rasa, aku ada mkn dgn korg and blum bayar my share, igtkan please..Aku ni bkn memory cm Einsten sgt pn..(takut sgt klau korg xhalalkan)

He owes me a lot. and everytime mintak, sure dia akan kata, jgn nk berkira sgt. Look, like in my FB post, aku bkn jenis yg berkira pd org. Especially, org yg rapat dgn aku. So, bila ayat ko pada aku is nnti i byr balik or bila sy gaji/keje, sy byr blk or awk byr dulu, nnti sy bg balik kat awk, SILA PASTIKAN U HONOR THOSE WORDS. Ko hutang aku bkn sikit klau ikutkan..klau ungkit, mmg xterbayar. Makan or minum, mak aku da ajar, jgn nk ungkit..tu rezeki dia jugak..xpe kita share. But, duit beli moto yg ko usung ke hulu ke hilir, saman yg ko dpt BEFORE ko dgn aku, duit moto kedua, mcm2 lagi..Awak tu lelaki. Sila paham2 sendiri.


Summary:

Aku sdg mnghadapi a very difficult week..ada problem, tp xleh nk share. Nnti kang org kata aku drama lebih..so aku snyap..so ni la jadi nyer

An Emotional Day

Last weekend was my baby brother's wedding (Yep. Adik aku kawen dulu)

Gerak dari Putrajaya pun da lewat gaban dah sebab ada Festival Belia dpn opis ni ha. Hadoi la. Segala jalan yang ada semua tutup (-___-)

Sesampai JB pn da lpas Maghrib. Kelam kabut la kakak dia ni bersiap, mandi, solat, tukar baju, mekap bagai. (maklumla, iolls belum kawen lagi, LOL). Pulun siap, tengok2, adik aku selamber je ha xmandi lagi, baju pn xtau ktne. Apekah? Setelah dibising oleh Abah aku, baru la dia angkat kaki g mandi. Tu pun pakai samping baju senget (-___-)' Sabar je la ko nak kawen dah. Lpas ni segala urusan pakai baju ko, sila le Julie amik alih. Muahhahaha.

Ok2. Seteret to the point. Kitorang pn standby2 la nk gerak ni. Dgn selambe, "Abah, Mamat nk g isi minyak dulu. Semua org jumpe Mamat kt Caltex". Terbeliak mata bapak aku! Mengamuk sakan dia dalam kete (da la dalam kete aku, seteres). Maka kami pun pegi la umah Julie yg xde la jauh mana pn.

Plan nikah dia pkul 9.30 malam, so, sesampai je (diiringi dgn kompang bagai, I know, ANEH) but xkisah la.Dia yg nk kawen.hahah. Kadi sampai, mukadimah bagai, taklimat pasal tanggungjawab segala. Adik aku xpenah la pakai baju melayu cekak musang, seteres tgk dia. Dok pegang dia kolar dia tu. Panas lak tu. Kasihan.(^^,)

Kadi baca la kt dia segala, pastu time akad, tu time tu la dia buek lawak. Sah jadik suami org lpas 3 kali lafaz (neves la tu) (-____-)'

Aci x lpas dia akad tu, air mata aku yang bergenang..Sedih je tgk..Adik aku yg kememeh giler masa kecik. Yang nakal sesangat, da sah jadi suami org. Dia da ada family sendiri. Ada tanggungan sendiri dah..Dia punya tanggungjawab da besar. (T^T)

Ni ada gambar dia sikit yang aku rembat dari kakak aku nyer FB:

Condolences to Friends and Family of MH370

After its disappearance 18 days ago, finally, the family and friends received a little closure on the whereabouts of MH370.

No words can console their hearts. Even when there are no family members on board, I felt this anguish sadness that I can't never describe. Tears flow freely as I read every available article on the press on the discovery. Imagined what would their families felt. Their loved one that they waved goodbye in hopes that is not the final goodbye. A child mourns the lost of her father, a wife anxiously awaits for someone to tell her that the news she heard is untrue, parents bowed their heads, they will never hear their child's voice again.

As I followed every PC, every official statements on the press, my heart just simply aches. I was in tears the whole morning. Just the though of being so helpless. Seeing the MAS' CEO and chairman being rained with almost ridiculous questions at the the recent PC is just so heart wrenching. These are the people that worked tirelessly around the clock, the crew that's a part of the SAR, these people are fathers, sons and brothers to someone, too. Yet they have dedicated their time, they have been taken away from the comforts of their home and family, selflessly, helped looking and helping, in hope of answers.

A tragedy in a way that unites over 200 families. A loss of a loved one. For some, the loss of a family.

To the families and friends of MH370, this is for you:

Want to know how much someone is loved,
Look around the room.
Heads bow,
Overcome with the loss of a loved one,
To pay respect
And unify as one.
Our loved one would want it that way,
Celebrating their life with those they loved most.
Let us recount the joyous times.
Remembering silly moments,
As they made us laugh with effortless delight.
Let tears of joy
Wash away the pain we feel.
We mourn yes,
But we celebrate as well.
Their physical presence is gone,
But memories in our hearts and minds,
Breath life into frames hanging on our walls.
I don't say goodbye,
I say welcome home.

So, world, please. Let the families mourns and grieve in silence. Let them be in peace. Stop playing the blaming game. You never knew what they are going through unless you are experiencing it. Be grateful. Be thankful that you are reading about MH370 and not experiencing the pain that the families are going through nor the SAR crew that are desperately looking for answers or those that are on board that damned plane.

Just keep on praying. Keep on hoping that we will soon find the answers that we all are looking for and closure for the families that will need to go on without their loved ones.

Pfffttt!

I think today's blog title is appropriate.

I will be quoting DS Najib's (Malaysian PM) speeches during the National Economic Summit & Dialogue. It just frustrates and angers me reading them tweets as it flows into my timeline.

"By getting our finances under control, we are investing in the future - of our families, our communities, and our nation." - DS Najib Tun Razak

Are you for real???I am already struggling with multiple long term debts that was necessary at the time to survive. Car loan, study loan. That is already amounting to almost half of my minuscule salary. I am now paying on my own for my business degree and half way through. That has already amounted to almost 3000 per year not inclusive of textbooks and assessment materials. How about we talk about petrol and toll? At the end of the month, what ever that I am earning from this job of mine, is a negative value. And, I've heard that the GOVERNMENT pays RM800mil to toll concessions to avoid the toll hike. Billions more during the subsidy rationalization that could wipe out everyone's study loan with the PTPTN.

Here's another one:

"By strengthening our economy, we are ensuring our country stays on track to reach high-income status." - DS Najib Tun Razak

By how do you mean strengthening the economy? Introducing more taxes? Hikes on everyday necessities? Absurd car prices? The people, are paying more and more. The job market could not offer more pay to us. We will turn out to be a nation of overworked, stressed out people. The GOVERNMENT has mismanaged millions of Ringgit according to the Audit Report last year. 7 investigation papers were dismissed due to lack of information as the departments and Ministries fail / mismanaged their records. NO PAPER TRAILS. High-income? Well, that comes with a higher price it seems.

Another half-wit remark:

"We must tackle corruption, reform subsidies, and introduce GST to make the budget balanced." - DS Najib Tun Razak

Ok, I think I wanna pass out. The introduction of GST will make the GOVERNMENT's budget more BALANCE???? It is not necessary if the GOVERNMENT is more prudent in spending! Targeted subsidies like the BR1M is not working! It is, after all, a waste! Not all poverty-striken rakyat gets the money. Not all of them are registered or are literate enough to apply for the aid. The money should have been used in other ways to help the people. Corruption? It starts from bottom-up. Cleanse the ministries, departments. Am not so sure with the need to reform subsidies, but the introduction of GST is not necessary if YOU can curb the first issue: CORRUPTION!

There were more nonsensical statements in his Twitter that I cannot bear to quote. Pfft!

There is a sickness in the air

I was sick yesterday and on Tuesday..It was horrible. The rising temperatures, the vomiting and the passing out......

Apparently that almost half of the office is unwell. And the symptoms are similar. Fever, vomiting and faint. Went to the clinic nearby home, the doctor just said its normal fever and its the ever changing weather contributes to this. I can't even sleep that night. I was so restless despite of my high body temperature. I was dehydrated and even when I manage to eat or drink something, I would throw up most of it. It was hell!

Yesterday, I took a sick day and sleep in..Mind you, I was awake every two hours or so. I was only truly woke up at around 10 am. Took a shower and had some light breakfast so I can take my meds. Another nap.

Then, I decided that the pantry needs some stocking up. I went to Tesco, which was nearby. While pushing the trolley, I feel that I was about to faint. This is so not good. I grabbed whatever that I needed as fast as I can and race back home. I just lie down for the afternoon.

Water cuts, the dry spell and the haze, is taking its toll on most of the Klang Valley's residents..