Smile :)

I put up this photo in my Instagram account on the day that I find that smiling is just the hardest thing to do. It was on my dad's birthday. Looking back at the time, it has been 10 years. 10 long years. And every year I would look at this day as a taboo. As if the pain will never go. The wound still bleeds and yes, the hurt lingers.

I have been stabbed in the back by a friend who doesn't even bother finding out of the truth about the stories he's been hearing. He treats me as if a mere fragment of his shallow imagination where I am so near that even a text will be suffice. I have been told off by my someone I cared most as if I am nothing but a nuisance to her.

That day I come home wondering if I disappeared, would anyone cared? Or would they cared less? Is there anyone out there that cares about me like I cared about them?

10 years, I have been hiding behind that smile. Behind that smile, lies a story of hurt, betrayal and most important, of loneliness. I always tell myself that it is OK and that everything will be fine, if not now, later. I have hid very well behind that smile that one day, it just came to me that even I, do not know if my smile is genuine or is it part of me trying to mask what I truly felt?

I am the "OK Jess" , a persona that I have shaped myself into. There is no longer space in me, my heart in that matter, to even feel what is it like to have everything. I learnt to give, not because I have everything. But, because I know what is it like to have nothing. So, yes. Smile, even when that's the hardest thing to do. Let no one know your fears, let no one see your flaws and use it against you. Live life according to your own terms, never some else's. Just be you and you will just fine.